Even though it is painful to have no communication with my ex. It's probably for the best. I know in my heart and in my mind that I made the right decision. There is no other way of saying it. I am pretty sure everyone in my life would agree with that. Even though it was the hardest decision I’ve ever made on my own, it was the smartest thing I ever did for myself.
I have grown in ways I didn’t even know were possible, like when you exercise muscles you didn’t realize existed. By changing my behavior, I have found that my habits, weaknesses and strengths have fluctuated and found balance. For the first time, I am living my life for me and only me. That’s a crazy thought! I’m not doing what my family or partner want. It’s about what I want. I can’t even describe what it feels like to be living the life YOU want - That magical moment when you see that and recognize that you created it for yourself.
December will be referred to as my “month of darkness.” I didn’t do much writing. One blog post actually. That’s pretty bad. I didn’t really do much of anything. Oh, except gain weight.
But don’t worry. I have good news. All of that is changing.
I don’t believe in fate. I do believe in manifesting your own destiny, and making the most of your situations. That’s exactly what happened to me about a week ago.
Let me just say that I’m writing this post from a tour bus in San Diego California, on my way to the House of Blues. Yeah…I know. Don’t worry, I’ll explain.
Torie met a musician named Zach Deputy. I’ve been a fan of his since I watched him play at a music festival four years ago. He’s an amazing musician and fairly well-known. I have no idea how it happened, but Torie met him at a show, struck up a friendship and he’s basically been crashing on her couch every time he comes into town since. I’ve never been in town when he was. But, I always hear stories of how wild the whole situation is and been really jealous. On New Years, he happened to be playing at The Green Turtle, in our home town, an hour from where the girls live in Jacksonville, and where I have been staying.
The girls: Whitney, Katie, Torie. All four of us are best friends since high-school. They came to my UAF graduation.
A few days later, he texts tore and says he is coming back into town. Him and his tour manager, CJ, show up at midnight and we all sit up and hang out. To my surprise, Zach not only remembers me, but gives me the biggest hug.
We joked about this scenario in many forms, all weekend. Torie had to give one (that’s right) day notice at her job and ask to come back in three weeks. Oh, and she was actually told yes. “Well, no turning back now.” She said in the car after getting off the phone. She widened her eyes and laughed, mostly in jest, but probably partly to hide the nervousness.
We spent the weekend in New Orleans for Whitney’s birthday. I love that city more and more. I led the girls down the cobblestone streets, past the smell of seafood and beignets, past the jazz music flooding the streets, through the wild scene that is Bourbon. We weaved through raised cemeteries, horse buggies covered in pink fur and driven by a man with no teeth and a purple suit. Looking up at the live oaks that hover over the streets, one witnesses the beaded remains of Mardi Gras. They were coming up on festival season and the parades were beginning.
On Monday morning, Torie got a confirmation call.
“They’ll be here at six.”
Also, just to go sideways for just a sec, Monday, both Torie and I had Skype interviews for a company called Alaska Excursions. If everything goes as planned, we will be meeting my friend Ian in Juneau and working as dog handlers for the dog mushing tour there.
I am beyond excited to share both experiences with her.
I’ll make it short. They did, in fact, pick us up. Or, actually, we had to meet them at the airport. But, either way, we woke up Tuesday morning, to the familiar smell of seafood and beignets. By the following evening, we were in Texas. By the third day, we were driving up the 1 highway on the Pacific ocean. All I could think was, “Damn, it feels good to be back in Cali.”
There are so many details and stories, but I’ll save them (and you) for another time. Here are some pics
But, this character development can sometimes harden into an unpleasant stubbornness. I have been starting to feel this happening in me. I didn’t like it. I’m turning into a creepy loner!
Not really, but I do believe this trip is going to give me a good education on inner and outer balance. I have a hard time recognizing my inner strength and lashing out on others, flexing my outer strength. Does that make sense. I’m not talking about going around lifting heavy weights viciously in front of people’s faces. I’m talking about hurting others, trying to hold yourself up. To travel with other people, you got to be vulnerable, loving, responsible and enjoyable. You also need to know how to drive at night, otherwise you are useless, useless I say!
My next post will be all about what it’s been like on the road, so far and how I keep managing to lose everything I own.
I’ll just say, what a strange journey it has been.